Alternativní realita (AU)

Karamba, sem Franta Mlátička a to byla parádní rvačka, to vám povim!
Nejdřív sme se zkárovali, aby to mělo ňákou úroveň, nebudem se přece rvát nasucho, to pak nemá tu správnou šťávu!
Pak sem naschvál vytáh falešný eso a zamával tim parťákovi před čumákem.
A pak se to rozjelo!
Lítaly židle, sklo třískalo vo pult, děvky ječely, všude tekl chlast...
No a pak tam přišel ňákej týpek v bílym kvádru a začal mlít něco vo škodlivosti chlastu a že prej chce sklenici ňáký Kolalokovy limonády.
Tak sem ho vodpráskl a z toho jeho voblečku mám teď parádní hadr na podlahu.

Thorin was in a bad mood all day. It was the little things. Rain. Wizard. Who decided to leave the Company. The food took too long. And before everybody could have some, Fíli, who was supposed to be watching the ponies, ran to the camp.
“Trolls!” he shouted.
“Everybody with me – not you, Dís” barked Thorin.
They disappeared in the dark.
Dís pouted. She wanted to fight, eventhough a little voice told her she shouldn’t. The little voice that made her hold her tongue and not argue with Thorin right now.
Alright.
Lets see if she can make Gandalf return.

Tři muži seděli v ochranném kruhu uprostřed temného kabinetu. Drželi se za malíčky. Otevřeným oknem jim do vousů zalétal sníh.
"Sůl mám od Platóna," podíval se první zneklidněně na dveře. "Konzultace jsem zrušil, nikdo nepřijde."
"Svíčky hoří?" ujišťoval se druhý.
"Všechny," zašeptal třetí. Vítr dovnitř zanášel meluzínu.
"Tak začneme," rozhodl první roztřeseně. "Vyvoláváme tě, duchu jazyka českého. Jsi-li tu s námi, pohni sirkami."
Zbylí dva se připojili.
Pak se uprostřed kruhu zničehonic vynořil opásaný plešoun s bradkou, ukazováčkem hrozivě píchl do misky se solí, zařval "BOT!" a zmizel.
"Příště to zkusíme v Celetný," pokrčil rameny první. "Tam je magičtější atmosféra."

In winter you put your carrots in the sand. So they are kept fresh.
When a dwarf dies, you put them in the ground. So he is reconnected with the element he was made of and Mahal sees him and takes him to the Halls.
As Balin was retelling the famous tale about the great battle, Dís let her thoughts wander freely. She knew the story. The things Balin didn’t say.
They had to burn them. Burn the dead.
Frerin, Thrór... Fundin... and others.
But eventually... you eat even the stale carrots in winter.
Eventually... everyone will find the Halls.

Dís sat by a fire, still not believing completely this is happening. Being on the road, together with her brother, sons and clansmen.
Most of them were already asleep. And snoring.
She didn’t mind, on the contrary. This felt like home.
Not for the hobbit obviously, as he was getting up.
She savoured one more look at her sons, sitting together against a rock, talking in hushed voices...
Then the wailing sounded.
„Orcs,“ joked Kili.
That was something she didn’t consider before she joined the quest...
Fortunatelly Thorin was not having that kind of joke.
Thorin would not have orcs.

„Jo... když třeba takhle jdete a před vámi se otevře nekonečnej obzor. Za vámi hoří město všemi těmi nočními světly, nad vámi vítr žene voňavý jarní mračna a zpívá a pod nohama cítíte trávu jak měkkou peřinku. Když víte, že ten obzor je jenom váš a že chcete z každý neznámý udělat důvěrně známou, poznat každou horu, každej kout...“
Na okamžik jí tváří probleskl zasněný, nepřítomný výraz. Pak se usmála.
„To je pak vnitřní proměna jak blázen, věřte mi.“
Nastalé ticho postupně přerostlo v trapné. Pak se zpoza stolku ozvalo:
„A nechtěla byste to zkusit raději na Škvoreckého akademii, slečno?“

Dís was riding with her brother. Smoothing ruffled feathers. The wizard was.. somewhere in the back. Her boys were keeping out of her sight and hopefully out of trouble.
Yes.
No „crazy fun adventure“ for you two. You are going to behave...
Well, at least someone was sure to be safe.
The Hobbit didn’t join them.
„Wait, waaaaaait!“
Or did he?
She heard a sigh.
She hoped her brother will not roll his eyes. But everything was possible under the strange influence they were all feeling.
She didn’t look at Thorin, she wouldn’t look at Thorin.
„Give him a pony.“

"Dneska si povíme o proměnné," ohlásil dětem učitel na začátku hodiny. Třída se zachechtla a jedna dívka se začervenala. Učitel pokračoval ve výkladu.
"Proměnná je bla bla bla. Chápete to?"
"Ale pane učiteli, my víme, kdo je proměnná," ozvala se třída.
"Zaprvé, co, a ne kdo. A zadruhé, jak to víte? To už jste se to učili?" Třída se opět zachechtla a teď už jen jeden žák za celou třídu promluvil: "Ano, pane učiteli, víme to už od první třídy."
"Jak je to možné?" zeptal se udiveně Kilián.
"No, když jsme se seznamovali, Lucka samozřejmě neopomněla říct, že je vlkodlak."

You could tell Thorin thinks that this whole burglar idea is a joke.
If you knew him.
Dís knew him all her life. That was why she was hiding from his sight... but not for long.
When he noticed her, the hobbit was completely forgotten.
Her presence endangers all of them. She is a dwarven lady. Any dwarf would feel a need to protect her...
„I can protect myself!“ she protested. Didn’t she know how to fight? „I can be responsible for myself!“
„But I cannot guarantee your safety! Noone is safe on this quest!“
„I know.“
That didn’t matter.

What is she doing here?
Dís was asking herself over and over again. She was not supposed to be here, all alone.
She should be home, tending to the fire. But some strange force made her leave everything behind, get on the road. A road that will lead to a quest. The Quest.
Her brother will surely be surprised.
Women shouldn’t be wandering in the wilderness.
Not that it is wild here.
Gently rolling hills of the Shire, inviting warm light shining through a round window next to a door with a rune on it.
She will rest well tonight.